October 28, 2007. Day 18.
Today’s title is “Again, Not Walking Mount Sanity.” Rest is a wonderful thing. I feel like a human again. I had been consistently getting six hours of sleep, but it wasn’t rejeuvenating enough, especially with the strain of what I was doing. Apparently by the sixth day in a row of six hours of sleep it’s like staying awake for thirty-six hours. So after sixteen days of this, I was pretty delirious.
Still with this much rest, I’m not sure how tomorrow will feel. It feels so easy to be done right now. I’ve chased what I was chasing long enough to let it go, and nothing seems to have caught me by staying down all weekend. At this point, it seems like a commitment I made with myself and I don’t think I can see any way out. This is how art making often is, driving with headlights at night, seeing enough to get there, but not seeing the end. The activity of Not Walking feels quite real. The reflection of what I’ve been doing, its opposite is just as enticing. It’s like the feeling, pressing my arms out against the frame of a doorway and stepping out to feel my arms rise on their own like phantom wings. I can’t quite feel the trail without being on it, but I can feel the lack of it as I walk.
